Copyrited 2/07 by Meg Kelso
A few short years ago, my biggest fear in life was the day that either my husband or I would have to bury the other. I knew we would be together forever, my life was predicated upon that fact. It was a given. I was married.
Now I'm not. Some trashy skank slept with my husband and she was one trashy skank too many for me. And, apparently, the one for which he was willing to end our marriage so I had to face the fact that I would be alone for a very long time now. Although I could have a man any time that I so desired...you simply lower your standards...I choose not to do that...yet.
I could always pick up a guy and bring him home for the evening if I had the hankering, but I went through that phase already and it only makes things worse. So, now I pretty much just stay at home, alone with my thoughts. That's were my husband left me 2 years, 5 months, 8 days and 2 hours ago. And it's where I remain today. Along with the phase where I slept with any man that I could slow down, I went through shock, depression and even a bit of acceptance. But the phase in which I'm most comfortable is anger. I've spent so very much time with anger that it's quite familiar, almost homey in a way.
The husband even said as much when a reporter called to question him regarding something that I had posted on the World Wide Web about his penis, "She can be very vindictive." And he's right...I can be. But that is something that he already knew about me. It's not my fault if the man felt so special that he thought he would receive a special dispensation for screwing me over. I've always been vindictive. But never without good reason.
We're all vindictive to some extent, I just happen to be better at it than most people. I admit, I'm no Betty Broderick, but I've had those anti-freeze in the chili moments. But being the law abiding citizen that I am, I never acted upon those particular fantasies. I'm more of a verbal warrior. My tongue is the sharpest shank in the prison created by circumstances beyond my control. My husband knew this as well. He didn't accidentally walk into my trap, he climbed mountains and crossed continents to step right into it, eyes wide open. Please understand that as you read what I have to say...none of this should come as a shock to the man who could have prevented all of my venom by simply telling me the truth. Honesty is most certainly the anti-venom in his case, but he refuses to take it so here I am, left to tell you my story.
There were many signs that my husband was cheating on me again but when he started brushing his teeth on a daily basis, I knew something was up. This fat, bald man with no self esteem has never been able to tell a woman "No." Having seen some of his mistresses, I can't imagine what he would refuse. It simply amazes me how many women would want a fat, bald married man who would cheat on his wife. But if Elvis impersonators can get laid, I guess a fat, bald man with a twisted penis can get lucky.
His penis is not only twisted, the head is smaller than the shaft. It looks kind of like a pencil with a worn out eraser. They say that baldness is caused by increased levels of testosterone so I guess that explains this man's voracious appetite for sex. Not one to wait for a playing partner, I once found him masturbating to an adult movie on a channel that we didn't subscribe to. I walked in on him getting off to the slanted, half silent, half moaning reception of some sex channel.
Usually, I would find a man with such a sex drive appealing but I prefer quality over quantity. I once glanced at the alarm clock as I climbed into bed. It was 11:00. Then, he began to get frisky". Foreplay, the act itself, the climax and the first snore all by 11:08. He was nothing if not efficient.
Now he is someone else's problem. I can't help but relish in the thought that one day, he will stop all this tooth-brushing and turn into his regular self for her. She will get to wonder how this man who used to brush his teeth can't seem to keep a pair of underwear free of skid marks for 12 hours.
I wish I could say he will challenge her with his mind but up until I pointed out his mistake, he was calling Pensacola "Pepsi-Cola" and Philadelphia "Philadelthia". Not the brightest bulb on the tree, he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut most of the time. At first I thought he was a quiet, mysterious man. I slowly realized that he was just a moron who had nothing to say.
Perhaps she thinks she has latched on to a man who will pay her bills. She may think he has a good job and compared to other men who date trailer dwelling bimbos, I bet he does. But, this is the exact same job, title and position he had when I met him 23 years ago. I don't see him becoming CEO anytime soon. He did start working out again for his mid-life crisis so I guess his body will be something. Except of course, for the misshapen penis thing.
Now, at this point many of you might be saying to yourselves, "My word, she is ONE ANGRY WOMAN!" But, if there's one thing that I've learned from surviving infidelity, it's that angry women are not born, they are created. And besides, I'm just vindictive anyway, remember?
And, by the way, doesn't the very term vindictive actually imply that one party has been wronged? So, he knew that he wronged me, calling me "vindictive" was an admission of sorts.
That's more than I ever got when he was at home. In the "How to Cheat On Your Wife" manual, the chapter about getting caught teaches men the "Deny All Theory". That theory states that any woman will believe anything that a man says if they say it often enough and if they do it in a way that blames the wife for so much as thinking that the husband could be capable of what they have been accused of. It's all that a woman in love can do to keep from apologizing over and over again for believing her lying eyes, even for a moment.
It generally takes a long time before a wife will accept the fact that she is married to a lying, cheating scoundrel but once she does, it's very important that she switch her mode of thinking. She needs to abruptly stop considering herself half of a couple and begin thinking herself a smart female, ready to maneuver thoughtfully, not necessarily with malice but with a certain flair that says, "How dare you cheat on me, MOTHAFUCKA!"
Personally, I wandered around my house aimlessly immediately after my summer from hell. That was the summer of 2004...the summer that on top of suffering some have serious medical problems, I learned the full affect of my husband's most recent fling. He would be leaving this time, apparently the main problem with our marriage is the fact that it existed. And, of course, I was the marriage personified and no longer good enough for the man who had just robbed me of most of my adult life. I was officially in shock.
I remember that numbness...that total body tingle that precedes the hideous ache in your gut. That foggy-headed lightness that comes before the terrible urge to pull out your own hair. The absolute panic that you absolutely cannot do one thing to calm. The helpless feeling, the knowledge that something's wrong but no one will tell you what it is...they know...why don't they tell you? Why doesn't ANYONE tell you what's happening? And then you have to act like there's nothing wrong.
If you question him, you'll just hear more lies...even if he's telling the truth, you won't ever know it, it's almost stupid to even talk but you can't do anything else because nothing's wrong...just ask him. He'll tell you that nothing's wrong. Nothing but your maddening insecurities, anyway.
Consumed with the need to know, you become a CSI detective. You look for fiber evidence on clothing, lipstick on the fast food drink straws in the back seat trash, and you check receipts. Every receipt you can get your hands on. Searching for clues become an obsession. Phone records, credit card bills and his very behavior are all scrutinized for signs of the elephant that's standing right there in the room.
The dishonesty is tortuous. You KNOW he's lying...or is he? Is it me? He says it is. Maybe he's right....I AM doing this to myself. After all, that's easier to believe than the truth that's right in front of me. And then, suddenly and with no explanation...he's gone.
If he had stayed I could have made him pay for all of this in the usual fashion. But since he has left me here alone, I have to look elsewhere for my retribution. I know that I should look at the positive side of this mess. You know...one less egg to fry...and sometimes I do come up with some pluses. For example, there's the farting...there's nowhere near as much farting in this house.
There has always been a farting man in my life. When I was a little girl, my grandfather, a very successful businessman, would read the paper in his recliner at night and literally lift his leg and fart with no shame or “Excuse Me." Of course, when I got a little older, my brothers got a thrill out of farting. My first child was a boy and between that child and the man whom I had vowed to love, honor and cherish, family life was one great big fart-a-rama. A few years ago, I was in New York and I had this great beef sandwich with peppers...three kinds. I went into the restroom and noticed what a hideous bouquet that sandwich had summoned. I smiled cunningly.
I began developing my stratagem. It was so marvelously brilliant and the timing couldn’t have been better. They were both in the living room watching television. I went back into the living room and sat down as though all was right with the world. Serenely secure in my evil scheme, I withheld the pressure that was my vengeance for the years of anguish to which I had been subjected by the fartmaster and his little partner in crime. I smiled slyly as I remembered the silence that preceded the appalling stench. I knew that there would be no forewarning for my victims.
I waited until just the right moment and unleashed what was the most foul, repugnant, revolting “silent but deadly” that I had ever had the misfortune of suffering.And then I sat back and watched the consequences of my reprisal ensue. It was breathtaking...literally.
When the effects of my opus first touched their noses, they immediately glanced at each other. Then, they inhaled again. Oh, it was magnificent. I laughed so hard that I instantaneously gave myself away. They both actually got up off of their chairs. The looks on their faces were identical and said the same thing, “How can I leave the presence of this gruesome entity?" Their eyes went back and forth as though they were looking for an exit. You would have thought that they were a couple of mice in the presence of a lion. Such a sense of contentment, I have never felt. I assure you, that one fart made up for the years of olfactory assaults that these two yahoos had released upon me. I have tried, in vain, to duplicate it but haven’t found the proper combination of weapons with which to do so. Anyway, the absence of my husband is literally one less asshole around to annoy me.
Let's see...other pluses to being dumped...you get to date new men. And contrary to what one might think after having read this far, I am not a manhater.
I know they aren’t all selfish, lying, cowardly bums. And if I ever gave anyone that impression, PLEASE let me clear that up. I truly love men! I want one! I need one! I could use one for the evening! The fact that I told the truth about the man online and it ended up as the site of the day on Cruel.com is not a reflection of how evil all men are...just one specific man. The very same man who did the unforgivable...he made me understand country music. For that, I will never, ever forgive him. Talk about cruel. So, to the normal men I say, "Please do not take offense."
Even though I am aware of the exsitence of decent men, I chose a real dud to marry. My only excuse is that I was drinking pretty heavily when I met him. That was close to 25 years ago and I see things much more clearly nowadays. You know, when I met him, he grossed me out. But liquor is a crazy drug. He kept coming around and coming around and he started to look less disgusting. Damn. Many people have asked me what in the world I was doing with such a cretin and I have no excuse. I don’t know. So, let me say to the world, I will check references next time and I will run at the first sign of a skidmark. Any man who hasn’t gotten the toilet paper thing down after close to 50 years of ass-wiping experience will not darken my door step, I promise.
So, do you understand, men? It isn’t all of you, just that one. I know most of you are out there trying to figure us out and doing your best to make your women happy. For that, I thank you. And, I freely admit that there most certainly are women out there who are capable of cheating and lying as well or better than any man has ever considered doing. But, this is my story and it was a man who trashed my life so my perception may seem a tad askew. Just remember that I'm right there with those of you who have been lied to and cheated upon.
The pain can't be much different for the testosterone induced, especially considering how ego driven they tend to be. So, it is for you as well as for my fellow women that I document the experience that every married person fears...dealing with infidelity.
IS HE CHEATING?
If you think he is, then he probably is. Very few women suspect a perfectly good husband without a good reason. If we had the luxury of single-minded thinking, we would know the truth simply by noticing the change in our husband's behavior. But we don't have that luxury, prefering instead to believe our husband's when everything in our mind, body and soul tells us that he is lying. While still thinking as a couple, we can't imagine the gravity of what we suspect because it implys that we may end up alone while some other woman screws our husband.
Never mind the fact that sometimes, when we are alone, another woman is screwing our husband...all we need is a denial from him and off we are to continue to search for the truth that we actually know but cannot accept. The master manipulator and lying cheat will have an answer for every possible slip that he may make.
For my 16th anniversary, I received roses. You would think that there would be 12 of them and if they'd all been the same color, I might never have noticed that one was missing. But there were 3 different colors in the bouquet, 4 of each. I stared lovingly at the sign that my wonderful husband did indeed love me as he said he did...but wait...there were only 3 yellow roses!
Now, that man had never seen 12 roses in one place at the same time the entire time that I knew him. But when I pointed out the missing rose his answer actually ratted him out, "Oh! I thought they looked a little skimpy!" Well, if he actually DID...why didn't he go back and get the last rose? It was because he took one of my anniversary roses and gave it to his tramp du jour. I knew that. he knew I knew that. But still, he denied all. The Deny All Theory was in full swing at that point.
There was no way that this man was going to admit to anything. He would lie to the end, no matter how many rules of physics his lies defy. To this day he denies all. To hear him tell it, the man is still celebate...even in his divorced freedom. Whatever.
Now, this particular man was not the first husband who cheated on me. Oh no. I married more than one of them. I admit to 3. And every single one of them cheated. I sure can pick 'em. If there's one thing I've learned from marrying a trio of lying, cheating men, it's that if one ever DOES admit to ANYTHING...the truth is much, much worse. But this husband was one who wouldn't admit to anything unless Joey Greco from the televsion show Cheaters popped up with video-tape of a woman giving him a blow-job.
I figure that for every lie I caught him in, he must have gotten away with 10 of them. If it wasn't so successful for him, he wouldn't have kept doing it, right? But he said that I had caught him in each and every lie that he ever told and there wasn't a thing that I didn't know.
Well, I didn't know who's number was on my phone's redial. And neither did he. Never mind the fact that there wasn't another soul in this house, it wasn't he who dialed that number from our telephone.
It wasn't good enough that he deny all, he had to put a stop to my questions so he went on to the chapter of the How to Cheat manual that teaches the cheater to project the guilt onto the cheatee. Perhaps if she feels a little guilty herself, she'll shut up for a while.
I tried, I really did. But make up in my car, no more phone calls from his job, no more love-making and those strange hairs all over the passenger seat of my car kept telling me that he was lying. Again.
Guilt is only one of many ploys that a cheating man will use to shut up a suspicious wife. My husband stopped actually making love to me and began screwing me for no other reason than to shut me up. Most men hate to argue and a cheating man cannot abide it so anything they can do to shut up the wife when she has some issues is fine as long as she doesn't make him argue. When I would complain that we didn't make love anymore, he would immediately do me and put a stop to my concerns, temporarily.
But there was something missing in the way he treated me that he couldn't cover up, something that I had never seen before...contempt. I was stunned. I never, not once in a million years, would have expected my husband to ever, ever leave me and to do so in such a dreadful manner instead of giving our marriage the dignified death that it deserved. He could not have been more cruel about his abrupt departure if he purposely set out to cause me as much pain as is humanly possible.
The betrayal was like a neutron bomb going off in my life. Everything about my life looks the same, it's simply over. I look around the house and everything that I see has a story attached to it and everyone of the stories starts with the word "we". But, "we" are no more.
Like a thief in the night, infidelity robbed me of my whole life and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it. The shock set in and became very comfortable in my soul.
The only explanation for my husband's sudden departure was that I had been right all alone, there was. indeed, another woman. I know my husband...he wouldn't feel safe enough to leave if he didn't have someplace new to go. So many people say that we should forget the mistress and blame the husband. Oh, I do...I most certainly do blame my husband. Of course he was mainly to blame. No one ever said that he wasn't.
But, that doesn't take one tiny bit of the culpability off the sluts who sleep with the married men.There's a huge difference between the cheater and the scum they cheat with...I liken it to the difference between a thief and a liar.
My grandmother used to tell me that a liar was worse than a thief. Her reasoning was that you could put a thief in jail but there wasn't a damn thing you could do to a liar. Well, the men who cheat do have to face a judge and a divorce decree, along with child support, alimony or some annoying financial obligation. But the bimbos don't have to face any music. They don't care what they've done to the wife, the children, the family or even the husband himself. The money is no object, they just want that marriage over.
If I loved a man, I would hate to be responsible for making him pay out a lot of cash every month for years. But these women are pretty damned selfish and they don't care how much money the man has to pay out unless and until they get married. Then, the money is hers too and now she hates the idea of paying so much as two cents to the wife.
Ain't life a bitch for people who get what they ask for? Instead of fighting about whether or not he'll ever divorce his wife, now the foolish bimbo's end up fighting over the money that they have to send her. Mine has to send me a chunk that would hurt all but lottery winners and Kennedy's. Can you imagine? "What do you mean you have to send her money every month? When I took you, I wanted all of your money too!"
Anyway, my point is that the men do seem to pay SOME price, the bimbos pretty much don't. So, our public wrath is directed toward them. We pay attorneys to take care of our husbands. Let them work their mojo on the men, we'll deal with the sluts.
These women are just begging to be publicly outed as the bitches that they are. One of them declared an all our war on my marriage and her sneak attack robbed me of any chance to fight back when I still had a chance. She walked all over my husband AND sent him to do her dirty work. These women take the men like marrionettes and they make them dance to whatever tune they are playing as they go to bed with them. They behave as though they answer to no one and once the husband is in their lair, they are annoyed at the wife who doesn't just sit back, shut up and hand over her husband. What a joke.
So, since I was denied the option of firing back when my life was attacked, I do so now. Is it fair? Do I care? None of this is fair...but I didn't start it.
So, what type of person would do such a thing to another woman? Meet Amber...she steals husbands for a living:
Hi ya'll! This is Amber and I just had tosay that you shouldn't judge me since you don't know me. For all you know I have a sex addiction and need your sympathy. They don't do any Oprah shows about me and my victimization. And, I don't necessarily go AFTER married men, it's just that I don't care one way or another. See, I don't target your husbands...I just don't send them home if they come to me. And they come to me because you all don't do what I do. You don't fuck your man in all the right places and at all the right times. If I have nothing better to do with my time than to manipulate men sexually, what business is it of yours?
I love the feeling of being able to control men with my body. I have nothing else going for me so I devote all of my time to finding ways to make men worship me. I make them prove themselves to me over and over again. It isn't good enough that they lie to their wives, I want them to HURT their wives. If I can make them go home and treat their wife like shit...while letting them think they thought of it themselves, then I've done a good day's work.
I like to let them talk about the wife and then I can learn all of the weak spots and drill them home at the most opportune moments. I feel much more content with myself after I've manipulated a man into thinking that he has been treated so poorly that he deserves to cheat on his wife. It's easy for me to do because the wife has no clue that anything is going on so she can't defend herself or even try to compete with me. She has no IDEA that she's even IN a competition. She's living life as she always has, taking for granted that her husband is where he says he is.
I have to be sure that she doesn't find out about me until I've taken every minor complaint the husband has about her and magnified it to the point where he pretty much despises her. The way I make mountains out of the mole hills of his life combined with a lot of sex...before you know it, he can't stand her for keeping him away from me.
Of course, I've convinced the husband that he deserves not only me, but new clothes, a new car and a cleaner place to live that is full of peace and sex...not a bustling family life that an entire family depends on. I've built him into a pathetic, trapped and put upon man and turned her into an albatross, a whiny, needy and uselss parasite who must be excised from his life.
Once I have successfully accomplished this...I don't care if she finds out or not. I actually want her to know. That's when I can be ready to pet his head when she smacks him on it with a frying pan. Now I may even try to let her find out by doing things like making hang up calls but denying it to the husband. And of course he believes me, by now she suspects something and is asking him questions so he's in that denial, "You're crazy, woman!" mode and he won't listen to ANYTHING she says.
Or maybe I'll leave text messages when and where she will find them. I'll be sure to make the message something that he CANNOT explain away...something like talk about us having a baby.
Hopefully, if I have a husband of my own, both spouses will find out at the same time so that we can run right to each other and live together. That way I can go from one man to another without having to pay any bills by myself. That's my ideal situation. Living with a man increases your chances of getting pregnant by him. Once he's living with you...pregnancy is the best way to keep him there.
I don't think about long term consequences or who might be hurt because this is what I need to do to feel good about myself. And if I think something will make ME feel good, I'm going to do it. Fuck anyone who doesn't like it. The families will all learn to live with it, especially after I have a baby. They'll HAVE to. This is my life and it's ALL about what I want. Oh, I DON'T want HER kids living in my house, unless we would have to pay a LOT of child support...then our house would be the best for the kids.
And I'll do whatever I have to do to make him see what a rotten job she has done with the kids. By the time I'm finished with him, he'll be an expert at tough love...I'm sure that HER kids are gonna need it. They better not come running to us for money. Especially after they're 18...her brats should be self sufficient and responsible. Their father has no reason to pay for them after they're 18. He owes that money to me, my kids and any kids he and I might have.
If anybody has a problem with the way a mistress thinks...fuck yourself. I'll go fuck your husband...whether I want him or not.
She's nothing if not honest when describing herself. That's because she knows that there are men out there who have very little respect for marriage. Infidelity causes more pain than many felonies that you could be a victim of. I would rather be burglarized, plagiarized, any other crime that ends in -ized. I would rather survive a hurricane, tornado or earthquake. None of those things could have been as devastating to my life as being the victim if infidelity.
So, perhaps I look at things from a somewhat slanted perspective, but I must say, I do feel entitled. So, on with the tramps that spread their legs for married men. These idiots walk willingly into relationships with married men, who are, by definition known liars. That alone would keep an intelligent woman with any scruples away. But, remove either intelligence, scruples or worse, both, and you have a female, who, once again, by definition, would sleep with anyone. What do they call those?
Sluts and liars. They certainly do deserve each other. It's just a shame they have to hurt the normal people. And no, the normal people aren't perfect...but they aren't cheating. If the wives are as bad as the husbands say they are, why don't they leave? How stupid can a woman be to believe that these men who cheat on their wives are actually telling the truth when they tell them that they're married to a lazy, fat, mean, stupid wife who never makes love to them? I guess they'll believe whatever it is they need to believe to justify the hideous thing they're doing.
Now, I know that all of the women who live in trailer parks don't screw married men, but the last one to screw my husband did happen to live in one. So, when I refer to her as a trailer dwelling, husband stealing piece of white trash, I do not intend to slur all trailer dwelling women. Just the one that lived in the funkiest trailer in the nastiest trailer park in Kennesaw, Georgia. When my idiot husband left her phone number on my redial, I was able to get her phone number and do a reverse search for her name and address. Then, one afternoon while hubby was at work, I drove to find the place that housed the trash that my husband found so enticing. I can't say that I was very surprised to find that the address led me to a trailer park, but even I was shocked to see the run down shack that she lived in. I don't know why, but I thought that if my husband had to cheat, he would cheat up....but they never seem to. They always cheat down and I guess they'd have to...women with the slightest degree of class would never sleep with a married man.
When I found trailer #11, hers...I stopped outside of it and stared in disgust at the filthy hut that my husband had been frequenting for months. Apparently, she was in there because when I went home that afternoon, I found my husband who was extremely angry for no reason whatsoever. Of course, his reason was that his tramp had called him tell him that I had been there. But, he couldn't say that while he was denying her existence, could he?
I asked him why he was so angry and I'm sure that part of him would have loved to have told me the truth but the part of him that has no backbone whatsoever wouldn't allow him to do that.
So, we just argued over nothing and then spent another evening doing what we always did, sitting in the same room for hours without saying a word to each other. That men spent years guarding his television. He watched it for hours every single night of his life. Between guarding the television and keeping the couch from floating away, he really had little time for anything else. Somehow, he always did find time to screw other women. It was really quite remarkable how much he could accomplish during his hours away from home.
Anyway, women who sleep with other women's husbands don't really deserve to be called women so I refer to them as wopigs. A wopig on the loose is a danger to any decent family in the general vicinity. They come from all different kinds of families and I'm sure that they make their parents so proud. How do you tell your parents that you sleep with married men? If the wopig comes form a family that has no morals, they probably just compare notes about how many families they've destroyed lately. Perhaps they even have little contests, competing with each other to find out who is the most immoral. Maybe they even have a trophy that gets passed around from one to the other as the title "Whore of the Year" goes from mother to daughter or sister to sister. But most familes would tend to frown upon a member who spends their life trashing marriages and ruining lives.
A wopig isn't concerned with family approval. Hell, they aren't even concerned with society's approval when it comes to getting what they want. Society has stopped shunning many types of love over the past few decades. Inter-racial love is no longer a stigma to be avoided. Homosexual behavior has gone from being quite the taboo to almost being a status symbol of sorts. But adultery is still considered to be the despicable crime that it always has been. We don't put big red A's on anyone's chest anymore, but we certainly can "out" them and be assured of having the support of all decent members of society. Only another wopig would support an adulterer.
That's because of the indescribable damage done by wopigs and the men who screw them. There isn't anything that can be shown on the evening news like the damage of a tornado, but the damage is done all the same. The pain and the wreckage is so far reaching when a wopig attacks that even a Jerry Springer audience understands when a stranger comes out on stage and explains that her husband is sleeping with a wopig. It doesn't matter what the wife looks like, what she's done or who she is, she doesn't deserve the lies and deception that a wopig brings along with her. If a wife isn't bad enough for a husband to leave, then she isn't bad enough for a wopig to attack.
What else can you say about a wopig? If I had one right in front of me I would ask her why she does what she does. What is it in her demented psyche that makes her think that karma a isn't going to kick her in the ass when she least expects it? I can rest serene in my faith that one day, it may be twenty years from now, but as sure I am that my husband is a cowardly bum, I'm just as sure that life is going to give those sluts exactly what they deserve. My only regret is that I probably won't be there to see it happen.
I've often wondered if I would do to them what they did to me. Would I sleep with the husband of the wopig who slept with mine? That's a tough one. I would probably just let karma work all by itself and stay out of that one. But, I think that I would pay another woman to do it. Just once...and get pictures. Then maybe I could be there when karma struck.
And Then the Anger Set In
How long can a woman stay angry at the bum who cheated on her? How long can one woman spew venom and entertain homicidal fantasies? How long does it take one wronged wife to milk all of the acrimony out of a nasty divorce? I don't know but personally, I'm out to set the record.
It's been over 2 years and I can still feel my blood boil when I think about how I let that bastard do it to me again. When I think about the 25 years that I wasted on that lying cheat, I want to kick myself. I don't waste a lot of time thinking about it, but when I do, I can truly work up a nasty streak that I stopped trying to restrain a long time ago. The rat left in such a hurry that I didn't really get to make him suffer as much as I would have liked to. So, I do the best that I can from the safety of my own home.
There are instructions, handbooks and warnings about most life altering disasters. But no one ever tells you what to do when your entire life is wiped out by infidelity. And, wiped out it is. Life as you know it is over and there's an entire new life right there that you hadn't planned for, you didn't see coming, and you never expected. You take on a new role...that of "divorced person". I'm not very comfortable in that role.
There is one aspect of this new role that suits me well and that is the part of playing the angry, bitter wife who was passed over for a cheaper model. I've heard people say, "You sure do sound bitter!" Well...DUH! I am bitter. And I've heard people say, "Get over it." I hate those people. To them I say:
Go fuck yourselves. All that cowardly bastard ever had to do was tell me the truth. I asked him over and over again. Not only did he deny the entire affair, he accused me of being mentally unbalanced for even suspecting him of infidelity. So, pardon me if I appear a tad angry but to behave in any other way would be totally for show and I just don't care enough to put on a show for anyone. My behavior is nothing if not sincere.
I'll get over it when I damn well please and not a moment sooner. If he had died, I would have had a funeral. If he had commited a crime against me I would have had my day in court. But a wife who is dumped so unceremoniously has no such venue for closure so this is all I have. And, I'm going to make the most of it.
I could sit here with a smile on my face and behave in a gracious manner but what in the heck would that get me? All I'm doing is talking about adultery...I'm not the one who committed it. I've seen too many Oprah shows to sit quietly back and be victimized as I have been. No, I didn't endure an act of nature's fury, I wasn't the victim of some sadistic monster and I don't have any life threatening illness or incapacitating handicap. But my entire life was trashed just the same. There aren't any telethons for victims of adulterous trash so this is it.
My husband broke the rules. When he did that, he totally reneged on the deal that we had worked out. We agreed to stay by each other's side, foresaking ALL others, until death do us part. So, the deal was over. All I'm doing now is redefining the rules since he decided that we were no longer going to play by the rules that we had agreed upon. And, since he thought so little of me that he gave in to his urge to screw some piece of garbage...IN MY BED....I have decided to give in to the urge I feel to expose the trash for what it is. So, this is all pretty easy for me. It's even sort of fun. All I ever wanted was the truth. Now I have a bunch of it and here it is. At any time since this hideous nightmare began, that nit-wit could have avoided all of my wrath simply by telling me the truth. I really, really needed it then...and I still need it today.
Hang up calls already. I appreciate a good joke as much as the next guy, but please, use some creativity. Hang up calls? Too easy, I prefer prank calls that have had some thought involved. Take my word for it, you can have all kinds of fun using your phone AND your brain.A long time ago, maybe 15 years back, I was getting hang up calls and I didn’t know where they were coming from. I had no enemies that I knew of and most of the people I know are smarter than that so I was baffled. Oddly, the calls started every day when myRick left for work and continued until right before he would come home at night.
This was about the time that they came out with call back features. I subscribed to the call back thing and called back the hang up call. It was the convenience store next to his job. He had strayed from his usual pick-up joint...but not by much. I hadn’t even considered that possibility. I didn't even suspect that one yet but that led to me garnering a treasure trove of her personal information. Add to that a burning desire to get back at someone and a little bit of thought, creativity and effort...you have one interesting plan.
So, I had her phone number changed to a non-published number. One morning she awoke to her mother banging on the door and asking, “Why didn’t you give me your new number?” The bitch didn't even know her number HAD been changed at that point. And, when she called to complain, she couldn't do so without going to the office in person to prove it was her before they would give her the phone number. I smile just thinking about that stuff.
Once I wanted to cofirm my suspicion that the bum was cheating with someone in the Lynchburg office of his job (we lived in Roanoke). So, I decided to 3-way them and just sit back and shut up. They gave it up in five seconds flat and I heard all that I wanted to or needed to hear. I spoke up and shocked them both. That was one of the very few admissions that I ever got from the jack ass. He would only admit to things that he couldn't possibly deny. That phone call and one love letter confirmed the only affairs that the coward EVER admitted to. And even then, he denyed ever having sex with any of them.
So, you see, if you put some thought into it, you can have all kinds of fun with the phone. But to just hang up on someone? C’mon, you can do better than that! Can’t you? Personally, I haven’t harassed anyone by phone since the 80’s. I think you can get much more creative and have much more fun now that we have the internet. Don’t you?
I also began a blog after one of the last whores to spit at my marriage began with her harrassing calls...hang up of course. I doubt the man's ability to attract a wopig bright enough to come up with anything more creative so I get these suckers relatively often. Anyway, I began the blog after I spent 6 months wringing my hands and crying. I guess that was shock. He left in September and by late January I was beginning to pass into the anger phase. It IS progress.
So, one Friday afternoon in late January I sat down at my computer and started a blog. I vomited what my husband had done and I attacked his manhood verbally but brutely. I wrote with such venom that by the following Monday, the blog was the Cruel.com web site of the day. Apparently, that's a big thing. The blog made it's way around the internet and finally I heard from the local media.
Now, all of this time, I hadn't been in touch with my husband so I had no idea whether or not he had ever come across the blog himself. So, when the reporter from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution called me, I couldn't tell her whether or not he knew of it's existence. After she interviewed me, she asked me how she could get in touch with him and told me that I might want to call him. She suggested that "we wouldn't want him to find out about it from a reporter" so I said that I would call him and warn the bastard.
I didn't think about that for very long before I decided NOT to call the jerk and warn him. Instead, I let him find out about the blog from a reporter with a very large daily newspaper. That was good. Hang up calls indeed.
Although it never really bothered me to write things about the asshole who destroyed my life, I did worry at one point whether or not others would find my rantings unattractive. That concern didn't last very long at all. When the wopig snagged my husband, I pretty much had nothing else to lose and as janis Joplin said, "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose". So, I am free to bitch, moan, whine and holler until the cows come home that I married a cowardly, lying, cheating piece of white trash who was constantly drawn to his own kind.
The chances that I caught him in every single lie he ever told aren't any better than the chances that I caught him in every affair that he ever had. So, I'll never know for sure. but, I would say that I caught him cheating at least once every 6 years. That might not seem like much but we were together over 20 years and 6 years goes by pretty quickly in married life. So, if we had stayed together for 50 years, that would have been at least 8 other women that he screwed and I'm quite sure the number is higher.
Of course, a cheat is a cheat is a cheat and they do not change...but a woman in love will believe anything of her own man. So, I believed him when he said that he loved me and wouldn't be cheating again even though I've always known, in my head, that there are two types of people in this world, honest people and dishonest people. There are those who can live with the guilt of what they've done and those who cannot. There are people who would never, under any circumstances...cheat on their spouses. And there are those who would. They are absolutely sorry when they get caught. And they absolutely do everything that they can to make it up to their spouse. They can even be very good for years and years on end. But there will come a time, when you least expect it and don't see it coming that he (or she) will grab a roll in the hay because the opportunity presents itself at precisely the right time.
Then, when you do catch them, they can easily blame it on you because over the past few years, you haven't been perfect. So now they'll dig up every stupid little mistake that you've made and throw it in your face as the reason that they strayed. It's YOUR fault...not theirs. A lifetime is a long time if you're lucky and you can't count on a cheater to stay honest for an entire lifetime if they couldn't stick out 10 or 20 years without stepping outsides the boundary of the marriage.
My husband was always sorry when he cheated. So very, very sorry. I knew he meant it. I knew that he truly was sorry. But that didn't change anything when he ran into someone else he wanted to screw at just the right time in our marriage. If she had come along two years before, he might not have done it. If she had come along two years later, he might not have done it. But the timing was just what it needed to be and he was the weak, dishonest coward that he has always been.
My mistake was that I even listened to his apologies. I should have been gone as soon as I found out about the affairs. It's not so tough to leave when you're that angry. But since I always felt the need to confront him with my knowledge, I gave him the opportunity to beg for forgiveness. So many stupid things go into forgiving a cheat. You are afraid of the unknown, you still love the cheat and in some sick way, you feel as though you've lost if you let them go to the other woman when in reality, you've won a huge life battle if you get as far away from the lying bastard as you can.
But I didn't. I let him draw me back in with his promises of fidelity and his claims of undying love for me. What a sucker I was. And then, the jack ass bitched that I wasn't very "trusting". I asked him to do one thing...tell me the truth for one year. One year of honesty and I would trust the man again. That never, ever happened. So, after waiting for the truth for over twenty years...here I am, left with nothing but my own version of what happened.
If he would have ever told me the truth, I could have known once and for all, but since he wouldn't won't do that, I get to do what I've always done. I get to wonder in my own mind exactly what was going on. One can imagine all sorts of things when he truth is denied to them. All sorts of things that really, really, tend to make a person angry, confused and just plain bitter. So, am I a bitter bitch? Yes I am. But that isn't a surprise to the fool that I married so I feel totally entitled to my bitterness.
Will I try to lose it? Hell no. Right now I want to nurture it and make sure that it's as sharp as ever. And, I will continue to do so until I get the truth out of the lying cheat or I get bored with it and find something better to do.
Let the Games begin
One lovely morning I walked out to my mailbox and took out my mail. As I went through all of the usual junk mail, I saw an official looking envelope. It was from the Georgia Department of Motor Vehicles. It couldn't have been from Kansas or even Illinois, it was Georgia!
The letter said that my car insurance had been canceled and therefore, my car registration was no longer valid. That was stupid, he is just as responsible for any accident I get into. I guess I should have taken it as a sign that he trusted my driving but he should have considered the possibility that I would slam my car into a Mercedes just for spite. But, with age comes a greater appreciation for one's spine so I didn't do that. I just stopped driving the car as I have a healthy respect for the Georgia Penal System.
For a while, I sat there, angry and worried about what how I would insure my car. I called the insurance company to ask how he could do that after the insurance had already been paid and they told me that as a policy holder, he had the right to take the payment and apply it to his own car, leaving me in the lurch. It didn't take long before I grasped what that meant. I was also a policy holder. So, I could do the exact same thing that he did...and I did just that. I didn't give him any more consideration than he gave me. I think what's good for the goose is good for the gander so I let him drive his car around Georgia thinking that he was insured. I'll never know how he ever handled that situation but I'm sure he wasn't any happier about it than I was when he did it to me.
Not everything that I did to that sonofabitch was as calculated as that little trick. Sometimes it was just dumb luck. Bald men seem to have a lot of extraneous body hairs and mine was no different. During his last affair, along with all that tooth-brushing, he was all of a sudden worried about his uni-brow. I don't remember if he asked for my help or if I offered it but either way, I helped him.
How do you get rid of hair? Well, you have a few options. But, the easiest thing I could think of was Nair. So, I Nair-ed his uni-brow. Neither one of could have possibly known what was going to happen and a happier memory, I have not. The entire area between his eye-brows and the top of his nose and lower forehead had a hideous reaction to the Nair. He was left with a large, open, oozing sore that must have been a bitch to explain to his co-workers as well as the bimbo. To this day, if I ever want a nice chuckle, I just remember the look on his face after he saw what had happened. That look was a mixture of shock, confusion, concern and anger...with a touch of leprosy. Another Kodak moment that I missed completely.
If you marry a moron and stay with him long enough, you get to know him quite well. In fact, you know him better than anybody on the planet. I knew my bum quite well. After well over 20 years there wasn't a soul on this planet that knew him as well as I did. One day I found his profile on a dating web-site. I knew he would go there, it was free. I also knew just what kind of woman he would like so I made up Sarah, a woman close to his age who loved horses and lived very near his hometown.
It took all of 24 hours for the asshole to send an e-mail to "Sarah". It's nice to know that he didn't leave me right when he learned the value of honesty. He’s still lying to women and I’m just glad that it’s not me this time. He told Sarah that he had been divorced for a year...news to me, the wife. We hadn't even been eperated that long, much less divorced. He told Sarah that his “ex took everything”. Well, I didn’t TAKE anything, he left it all when he left me. Then he implied that I cheated on him. He didn’t have any specific accusations, he just implied it. He said that I stayed out at night...and the only time I did that was when I was doing stand up comedy and I BEGGED him to come watch me. I didn’t know that those evenings were his time to call his girlfriends.
So, he lied to Sarah big time but that’s OK, because Sarah lied like a rug herself. You’d think that he would start to get the message after a while, but he doesn’t. My e-affair with Rick is over...but here is the correspondence from our short-lived relationship, in the order that they took place, starting with his first email to Sarah without any corrections of the genius's grammar or spelling:
Hi, I really like your profile. I just moved her in june from back east to take care of my mother. I'm just getting settled in and looking for a friend to start and go from there. If your interested, write back.
Hi! I enjoyed getting your e-mail and look forward to learning more about you. Your profile says that you came here for your family, that's nice. How old are your kids? I am about to leave for a short vacation, but I will still be able to e-mail you. Maybe we will get to know each other really good before I get back. So, where did you move here from?
Hi Sarah, It was nice of you to respond. My Is Rick,my mother has COPD,it's a breathing disease.I don't know about good son it's just thr right thing for me and her.I was born in Helena and i grew up in the Great Falls area,I have 2 sons 27,23 they live in Virginia. I'm jealous (taking vacation),hope you enjoy yourself. So tell me a little more about self.
And Sarah says:
Rick, Nice to meet you! I am going to Idaho to visit my mother. She isn't doing too well either so I go to visit her once a month so it's not really a vacation per se, but I am actually taking my vacation this time to visit her and I will be there for a week. I'm leaving after work Friday, it's about a 5 hour drive. Virgina huh? I have never been but I've heard nice things about it. So, you are an electronic technician? Do you fix computers? I could use a person who knows about them! I have so many problems with mine. I was widowed 10 years ago and I remarried but it turned out to be a huge mistake and I got out of that one quickly. So, now I am just a single mom again. I moved here to get away from my ex, he is still in Idaho and I am hoping that he doesn't find out that I'm there when I go. Do you have MSN or something that we could chat on? How about a picture of yourself? I'd like to email you again but I hate going through this thing because I get a bunch of IM's when I come on. Would you like to chat with me?Sarah
Sarah, It's nice to meet you. So how old are your kids? If you would like to email me direct it's ************,I know about those im's i hate them.I would love to chat with you,right now i use my dad's computer but i'm over there everyday and he has msn messenger and i also use my computer at work. My next purchase is going to be a computer,my ex got everything so i came up here with just some clothes but that's okay because i can always buy material things,just having piece of mind and being with my family is worth it. As soon as i can find a picture i will send you one.Well guess i better start working,talk to later.
Could I get those services off of my computer? I have AOL.
My helpful hubby says:
Dear Sarah,Yes you can download any of them,I haven't used any of them so i don't know which one is the best,I know my stepmother has msn messenger. I've been divorced for one year and i figured it's time to meet someone to enjoy different things with. How long have you been divorced? Girls, I hear there pretty tough to raise, I kinda wished i had a girl but my boys were no picnic.It is a beautiful day isn't it, I went home for lunch and didn't want to come back.I came up from Atlanta,Ga I lived there about 10 years and before that New York and then Virginia, We moved there when i was 12. Well glad i have your email and will talk to you later.
A grateful Sarah replies:
One year? Oh what fun. What happened if you don't mind me asking? I have been divorced for 3 years, it was pretty bad. Like I said, I was widowed before and I lost all of my widow benefits by marrying a drunk. It didn't work because I don't drink. Well, I do, but maybe two or three tops but that's rare. What do you do for fun? I have pretty much kept up my camping skills. That's so nice, just being up in the mountains. I sit here looking at them all the time wishing I were up there. Well, maybe after I get back from Idaho. You can't dance? I hate dancing. I hope you don't want to ever go dancing.
And then he lied even more:
It just seemed that i was the only one trying and kept getting accused of cheating for the last 5 years which i wasn't but isn't that what they all say but i feel it was the other way but i'm not sure but she did stay out very late alot of nights so i just could take it anymore. And no i don't think i will want to go dancing. I do love the outdoors but i haven't kept up on my camping skills so maybe you can help me out there.I just started working out again and i guess i just like the simple things but open for anything.
Dear Rick,Yes, the simple things are all I need. I'd love to take you camping. I work out, too. Where do you work out? I've been on both ends of the trust thing, where I wasn't trusted and where I had a hard time trusting. I don't know which is worse. I know what you mean waiting up all night. My husband would lie to me about where he was and I had a hard time trusting him because of that. Then he didn't trust me, but I think it was mostly his drinking. I'm glad you don't want to go dancing. So you're kids are grown? Will they be visiting you any time soon or will you go see them? I'm sure you must miss them. My brother-in-law is an electronics technician and he works on computers, but he is too far away to help me figure out how to work my webcam. Do you know anything about them? Also, when did you want to try to chat? I'm leaving late Friday night after work or early Saturday morning to go to Mother's, so Thursday night or Saturday night would be good for me. I'll be at Mother's all week until the first of October. Hopefully I'll get home Saturday and have Sunday off before I have to go back to work on Monday. Looking forward to chatting with you, hope to hear from you soon.
Hunky lying husband:
Dear Sarah, I work out at the glacier gym,my boss knows the owner and it's close to work so i go right after work. Yeah I miss my kids but they have there own live going,you know how that is in your 20's,maybe next year i will go vist them.I would be happy to try to help you with your computer. So if we chat tonight what would be a good time? For me it would be after 7:30. Just let me know.
And then she says:
Rick, I started writing you an email and when I did, I accidentally hit something and it disappeared! I don't know if it went to you or if it just disappeared. I have been to Glacier Gym, wouldn't it be funny if we knew each other! I still don't know what you look like. Where do you work? I work at Peak Real Estate, I am going to take a course in Real Estate in about a month. I'm so excited about that. It does make me mad that if I had never married again I would still have my widow benefits. My first husband was in the Air Force. He was a pilot and he was killed in an excercise and I had enough benefits to where I would never have to work again. Oh well, we live and learn! I can be here at 7:30, if I'm late, I'll email you. I was going to use my daughter's name but she said that if I did, all of her friends would IM me so I am going to create another one when I get home. Then, I'll email you to let you know the name and I will make sure that you know I am gonna be there. OK, I have to get back to work, look forward to chatting tonight!
He warns her about his bald "spot" when in reality he has a small hairy spot:
Well I'm 6'2" about 210 pounds have brown eyes,brown hair except on top where there's a bald spot as soon as i can find a picture i will email it to you. I work at ********* the only repair shop in town,when i moved here i just called them up and ask them if they were looking for experienced tech so that's how got the job, next month i will be starting a second job at ****************.I'm sorry to her about your husband i have alot of respect for pilots,I was in the Marine Corps and my brother-in-law is a 1st Lt in the Army,but sorry to her about your ex, we all make mistakes it's how we deal with them that matters. Well it sure is nice emailing you and looking forward to chatting with you, have a great day.
Shortly after that he finally figured out that I was writing from the Eastern Standard Time Zone and the jig was up. He was in Montana and knew that it was me. But, I had his ass going there for a while!
And then, when we spoke about that little incident, the fool told me that the only reason that he even signed up on that web-site was because he was hoping to find me on the site. Well, I made no secret of the fact that I had, indeed, put a profile up on that site. And I used my own name so nimrod brain could have e-mailed me at any time. But he never once did. He did, however e-mail Sarah and for a short time anyway, he wasn't dealing with me...he was dealing with another OTHER WOMAN!
I must say, that was a very satisfying little caper that I pulled off. Definitely one of my favorites. He certainly did ask for most of the things that I did to him. For months, he wasn't paying any of the bills that had my name attached to them. He had insisted on handling all of the family finances, he even took over sending the check to my credit card companies. Then, without saying a word to me, he just stopped paying my bills. My credit wasn't that great since he insisted on declaring bankruptcy rather than pay all of the bills that he had accrued.
When I learned about what he had done, I waited until he fell asleep one night and I took two of HIS credit cards out of his wallet. It was a few days before my birthday and he was having trouble juggling a mistress, a wife, his bills AND buying me gifts, so I took care of that little task for him. He never, ever gave me a nicer gift than the gifts that he gave me for the last birthday present of our marriage. Finally, he got something that I LOVED! And...to make matters better, money was NO object!
The gold bracelet was lovely and I can't say enough about the strand of pearls...they were gorgeous! What a peach he can be if I put my mind to it. This was shortly after his last affair was confirmed. It was truly the beginning of the end. So, I didn't feel the least bit guilty about that, I only wish that I'd done more when I had the chance.
Just being known as a married couple for so long helps when one of the two try to convince a third party to grant you access to something that you shouldn't have access to. My husband and I went to the same bank all the time for years. We knew all of the tellers, especially the old-timers. Well, for one affair, he had to have a bank account in his name and he had to keep it a secret from me.
Now, he had opened accounts without me before, but he always told me about them. He was a cheap SOB, but he never saved a dime for US. Anyway, over the years, he had often allowed me to sign checks from his private account. That's why I knew that I could get away with another little caper.
That was my fall back if he even THOUGHT about having me arrested for what I was planning. But, I knew he wouldn't do it anyway. So, after I found out about one affair (another co-worker), I took the account number that I had found the week before and went to the local branch of our bank and straight to our favorite teller...one who I knew would believe anything that I told her. I gave her some story that basically amounted to the fact that my husband had lost his checks and he needed 5 counter checks to last until the new checks came in the mail. And, sweet little wife that I am, I even ordered the new checks right then...pretty checks, with pictures of Bambi.
And yes, I AM proud of myself. I am absolutely the sweetest person in the world. I'm the most loyal, loving wife that you could ever ask for. But if you lie to me, I don't take kindly to it. Cheat on me...and all bets are off. The gloves come off as well and you do your best to get a bit of your own back. I certainly did...bit for bit.
As I've said before, he knew me very well when he married me. He certainly got to know me better as the decades wore on. I certainly could second guess his stupid self...so I am certain that he knew that I would do something rather drastic if he "did me dirty" as my grandmother would have put it. Nobody knew me better then he...this is just par for the course. If any of it surprised him, all that I can say is...GOTCHA AGAIN YOU YELLOW BASTARD!
It's Your Fault Anyway
For some strange reason that normal people don't understand, when a cheater is busted, they inevitably blame it on the cheatee. If you doubt that at all, just watch the televsion program Cheaters and see how every single cheater that gets totally busted turnes the tables on the poor schmuck whose world they just destroyed.
It is absolutely stunning how they all seem to say the same things when face to face to face with their wopig and the person they have been lying to. Amazingly predictable, cheaters seem to follow some script that gets passed around at the Cheaters Support Groups. When cornered, a cheater will, 100% of the time, respond with one of these brilliant quips:
1. I miss the person you used to be.
2. If you had more time for me, this wouldn’t have happened.
3. I love you baby, why are YOU doing this?
4. I can’t believe that you brought these cameras here!
5. How could you do this to me?
That last line is my personal favorite. The guy is caught with his shorts in the next room and in mid hump, yet he still possesses the cunning ability to add insult to injury by attempting to replace her anger with guilt for some non-existent offense. One way or another, lying cheats always blame their behavior on the cheatee. I guess they are so used to being believed that they can’t see how ridiculous they sound. I always say that for every lie that a liar tells, they have gotten away with 10. If it didn’t work so well for them, they wouldn’t do it. Also, whatever they admit to, you can count on the truth being much, much worse.
My slug admitted to "making out" with one of his co-workers in the back of his work van...only after being caught red-handed trying to hide sex lotion (or as I prefer to call it...foreplay in a bottle) and some wine glasses. He was far too busted to deny everything. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but if you aren’t 16, getting laid in any motor vehicle is pretty sleazy. Oh yeah, by the way, a trailer is sort of a really big car.
The nasty hoe that screwed my husband knew he was married, and even had the audacity and utter lack of anything resembling class when she came to my house while I was out of town visiting my daughter. When I was in town, she just fucked him in her trailer. When I was out of town she fucked him in my house. People like that will spread their legs anywhere. I'm sure many of the husband stealing bimbos are rather familiar with the side of a dumpster. And, there is NO ONE that they wouldn't screw because they do not have the capacity to tell a man "No". Their system of choosing men is to keep is the ones who comes back after the first date when they in all likelihood recieved a blow job. A blow job isn't sex. Yeah right. I bet cheater Bill Clinton would change his tune if he cayght someone sucking on Hillary's dick, that's for sure. Anway, back to the wopigs and the men who fuck them...they don’t say “No.” because it just isn’t in their vocabulary.
It's rare when two such low class, low standard, low, low, low scumbags find another one of their kind to screw enough to base an entire relationship on sex. Then, when they go home, the wife is there. That was basically the only problem in my marriage, I was still there.
I had been begging the slug to tell me what was wrong and what I could do differently. He said the only thing wrong was that I didn't trust him and I could stop accusing him of cheating. That would make everything all better.
So, basically, I was supposed to let him cheat and shut my female mouth. There was nothing that I could do. Whenever I tried, he set the hoops a bit higher and there I was, jumping through each and every one of them in some insane effort to revive a marriage that had been over for some time. It's just that nobody told me about the death of the marriage, I had to find it myself and learn to accept the reality of the situation
An example of how our mind plays tricks on ourselves, I knew that cheaters cheated and liars lied, but still I went back over and over again. I accept my share of the blame. But...he didn't have to lie. Of course, I should have known better...after all, that’s what cheaters do, they cheat. Liars lie and sleazy people screw around with married people.
And then, somehow, they all rationalize their behavior by blaming it on the innocent spouse who even blames their own self, saying stupid shit like, “Please, tell me what I did wrong!" They didn’t do anything except trust someone who didn’t deserve to be trusted. It’s amazing how a person who has no complaints about a relationship can come up with a bunch of them once they are caught cheating.
My idiot cheater did stop at putting the blame on me. He certainly did that...and quite often. It was his "Get out of Fight Now" card. If I had any form of complaint or request of him, he would effectively shut me up by telling me what I did to cause his actions or lack of action, whatever caused the specific situation. For example, I say to the jack ass, "Honey, I feel as though you don't enjoy my company, could we spend some time together?"
The response would ALWAYS shut me up, exactly as it was designed to do. "If you would just act like you used to act, I would want to spend time with you! You used to be so confident, now I don't know who you are!" I couldn't have felt any worse if I had just sat back and quietly endured his behavior.
And then, when I knew he was in the middle of an affair, EVERYTHING was my fault. He told me how miserable I was making him and he would never be at a loss for words then. Over the years, from time to time, I would ask him if he was happy and if there was anything that I could do to make him happier. He always said, "No, I love you like you are." And, as happy as we could be together, it wasn't hard to believe him. But, when he was in the middle of an affair, he convinced himself that I was the Devil incarnate. All of the love and intimacy was replaced by anger and disgust...and now he had a list of complaints. To hear him speak then, I was always the world's worst wife and the only problem that he had was my presence.
This is all in progress, forgive the confusion. I'm trying to do something with the blog. Hi!
OK, for New girl and anyone else trying to keep up with this, starting right now I'm going to make it easier to figure out where you left off...or where I left off and started again. I hope it makes it easier for you guys to read. Thanks so much for even being here!
OK, I changed the font where I picked up after I Naired Rick's face...if you've read that far, you can start at the red font. I'll do something like that whenever I start writing so you can find where you left off easier. My computer is a piece of shit...I have been trying all day to get that little bit up here. I could scream.
Hey ya'll, could you guys tell me what you think every so often? I don't want to bore anyone or become redundant. I really appreciate your input.